Millions of rebel forces worldwide mourned today as the official news from the White House proclaimed that we will not build a Death Star, nor do we need one:
- The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
- The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
- Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?
Over 30,000 rebel supporters banned together and petitioned the White House to use appropriated Empire plans and build a Death Star to protect American interests and defend against any chance of an Empire invasion in the near future.
“However, look carefully,” said Paul Shawcross, Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House “and you’ll notice something already floating in the sky — that’s no Moon, it’s a Space Station!“
The blatant turn down of the plan and the focus placed on an unarmed space station has some whispering that the government may have been infiltrated by forces loyal to the Empire.
Secret photos taken recently show President Obama being trained in the use of the force:
The President is clearly wielding a blue lightsaber. But the question is, who is the trainer? Though his back is to the camera, Rebel analysts have claimed that it is not Yoda, nor Qui-Gon Jinn.
Could it be a Sith Lord?
Only time will tell. But rumors are spreading that rebels forces will next petition the building of a Star Destroyer. The White House response will be monitored closely.